In My Veins
by Moonstruck Gryffindor
Summary: Hermione Granger shows up for her 6th year at Hogwarts quite different... Who notices, but none other than Professor Snape. It takes a trained eye to recognize a certain sadness. Who saves who? Not for the faint of heart.


Disclaimer: As much as I'd want to, I don't own Severus Snape or anything else invented by J. K. Rowling. Neither do I own the songs.

Song for this chapter: Echo by Jason Walker

Hermione Granger walked through the doors of Hogwarts for the 6th time. This time felt different, she was different. She didn't even look the same: her hair had grown longer, taming itself into darkened chocolate cascading curls down her back, her skin slightly tanned from her summer. She was still just as short, 5'1, but her petite frame had developed a perfect hourglass figure, with gentle rounded hips. Her breasts were more than a handful now, though not overly large. She had started wearing makeup; dark thick lashes framed her glowing eyes, her full lips shining with a hint of gloss. She knew she looked more like the 'ideal' woman. She never felt beautiful or feminine, but knew what she now did to men. She almost hated herself for giving in and using it to her advantage. Almost.

She had picked up other habits over the summer in addition to her glamor, she was smoking. She also had been drinking. She knew it was bad, she was clearly no idiot. With all the pressure, it was what she had turned to. She wasn't sure how long she'd be able to hide her extra-curricular activities now that they were all back at school, especially from Harry and Ron.

They had stared like cavemen when she showed up at King's Cross, along with the rest of them. Sure, it was flattering, but she found that once you stepped on that path of perfecting yourself, it was a dangerous and slippery slope.

Harry and Ginny had started dating openly, much to everyone's approval. Ginny and Hermione had gotten rather close over the summer, as Ginny had helped Hermione's transformation. The redhead clung to her friend as they entered the Great Hall.

'Hermione, everyone is staring at you!' she whispered in her ear.

'Ginny! I know… don't they have someone else better to look at? Honestly.'

'No, actually. You have no idea how good you look! You look like the perfect woman.' Ginny exclaimed.

'I do not!' Hermione argued, although looking at the male student's attention she had. Her mother had finally gotten under her skin, after summers telling her she wasn't attractive and manly. More than she'd like to admit, her mother's words had cut deep. What daughter wants to be told she's ugly? She felt like it all still wasn't enough. She took a deep breath and walked on.

She took a seat with Ginny next to the boys and awaited the year's sorting ceremony. As Dumbledore finished his welcoming speech, plates and trays of food appeared. Hermione's diet was especially different now too. She had to be conscious about what she ate- only low calorie, low fat, low sugar foods. As she just sat looking for something suitable, her fruitless effort wasn't unnoticed.

'Mione, aren't you hungry?' Ron of course, had seen. He was already on his second helping.

'I'm not really feeling too well after the train ride. I must be nervous about classes anyways!' she gushed.

The boys didn't seem to think anything of it, she had said similar things in the past. She knew she was hiding the true reason from them, but justified it by realizing they wouldn't understand.

From the professor's table, Professor Snape was glancing at the returning and new students, contemplating how much trouble they would be this year. His onyx eyes fell upon the dreaded Gryffindor table, where they rested on a certain know-it-all. He only knew it was her, from her company. To say she had changed was an understatement- she even carried herself differently.

The Hermione Granger he knew had frizzy hair and a child's enthusiasm. The woman seated in front of him was clearly beautiful. Of course she was still her, but just… more. She was grown up. He noticed the innocence was gone from her eyes; she had an all too familiar sadness just below the surface. He knew nobody else, but a trained eye could recognize it. In an instant, her gilded chocolate eyes were on his.

Hermione felt eyes studying her as she sat; her nerves had sat up just underneath her skin. She was surprised as she saw Professor Snape gazing down at her, brows furrowed in concentration. He had looked away as their eyes had met, but she still felt his thoughts. She assumed he was figuring how obnoxious she would be this year.

After a 'pop' the food had vanished and they were all off to their common rooms. Once again, Ginny looped her arm around hers as the Gryffindors got to their feet.

'Hermione, can I borrow a blouse from you for tomorrow? Harry and I have a study date!'

'Of course, Gin… you know you don't have to ask!' She was happy to have a female friend now to talk to.

As they reached the Fat Lady, Harry and Ron caught up to them.

'Oi, Ginny! I've already told Harry, but if I catch you two sneaking off anywhere, I'll kill you both!' Ron made quite the effort to appear intimidating.

'Of course Ron, we won't be going off snogging in every broom closet we come to, like you and Lavender!' Ginny spat back, a twinkly of sibling rivalry shining through.

Harry had punched Ron's arm, 'Yeah mate, you didn't listen to us!'

A smile slipped, and Ron could not hide his amusement. Try as he might to be the scary big brother, he couldn't help being proud Ginny and Harry were so happy together.

As the portrait closed behind them, Hermione announced she was headed to the library to borrow a few books that she needed for the upcoming term.

'Blimey, Mione… it hasn't even been one day!' Harry teased.

'Harry. This is the second to last year of school; we need to be working as hard as we can!' Hermione countered, ignoring the three other sets of rolling eyes.

'Alright… have fun!' Ginny gave her a warm hug.

Hermione made her way back out of the common room without a single intention of heading towards the library, for once. Heels clinking on the stone, she reached her destination. The Room of Requirement showed itself, opening up to a large room with cushions of the floors and brightly colored scarves hanging as part of a tent. Not too different than Professor's Trelawney's class, it did lack the tea.

Once inside, she pulled a small box out of her pocket. Using a simple spell, she enlarged it back to its normal size. Its contents were a bottle of whiskey, a lighter, and a pack of cigarettes. She took a slender cigarette out of the pack, lighting it. She relaxed as she pressed it to her lips and inhaled the pungent smoke. Feeling it rolling around her lungs, she slowly exhaled. After a few more satisfying drags, she opened the bottle of whiskey. She drank a few swigs, chasing with more cigarette smoke.

This had become her summer routine. She'd wake up, immediately light up a cigarette, and wait until the evening came when she'd sip on some booze until she was relaxed enough to sleep. She was encouraged to smoke by her mother, as it suppressed your appetite. It also suppressed her hurt for a few min during the day; she could always go out for a smoke. No matter what she was doing, she always had an escape. Five minutes to herself.

The toxic words from her mother for years hadn't helped anything; Hermione felt worthless. Nothing she could do, nobody she could be was good enough. Even at school, sure she was the first in her class, but it still wasn't enough. She had friends, but they had to keep her around. She did the hard work. She gave them her notes. Even surrounded by people, she still felt so alone. All she wanted was for someone to come and save her, tell her she's worth it. And mean it. She didn't even know if she could be saved.

It was getting harder to smile, harder to breathe. That was what the cigarettes and booze were for. She started feeling the whiskey warm her veins as she lit another cigarette. She knew she should have eaten something earlier, but honestly she hardly ate anymore. Why bother when all it did was made you fat? More 'manly.' Instead, she took her calories in whiskey.

She decided to take one more swig of whiskey, and smoke one more cigarette before heading upstairs to bed.

When she was done, she cast a cleansing charm on herself to remove the smell of tobacco and alcohol. The world slightly spun under feet as she stood up. That wasn't good. She shouldn't have skipped her meals for the day. She prayed she didn't run into anyone on the way back… it was already curfew.

She looked out into the corridor to make sure the coast was clear, it was. Into the night, she slipped out as gracefully as she could while intoxicated. She was doing pretty well until she walked into a wall.

Said wall ended up being the last person she wanted to see, Professor Snape. Her life flashed before her eyes.

'Miss Granger, what are you doing out of bed on the eve of your first day of class?' He was inches from her, towering above her tiny frame.

She gulped, hoping she didn't appear drunk to the master spy. 'I, uh… er, um…' she began.

'Detention. Be in my classroom every night this month.' And with that, he stalked off, leaving a very stunned Hermione. She turned and hurried to Gryffindor common room.

Once safely into her bed, she wondered if Professor Snape thought she was drunk, or if he had smelled anything on her. Or what he must be thinking of why she was out of bed! And a straight month of detention! Her inebriated anxiety didn't last long, as she drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

Professor Snape was out patrolling corridors, or rather suffering from insomnia, when he had run into the girl- woman. He knew she wasn't up to any good; he just wasn't sure what it was yet. He let her off easy, as to figure out what exactly it was. The time she'd be spending in detention would certainly help as well… She had changed physically, but the starkest change was emotionally. She just wasn't herself. Normally bubbly, yet frazzled, she now lacked her upbeat spirit. It was like she was broken; something or someone had hurt her. He would make it his personal duty to find out.


End file.
